A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of the cages"An whut animal would that be ?" he asked the keeper."Thats a moose from Canada", came the reply."A moose !!", exclaimed the Scotsman. "Hoots, mon, if thats a moose then they must ha rats the size of elephants over there !"

1. Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task. "Go and clean out the aquarium" he was told. Arriving at the aquarium, he discovered that all the fish were dead. He rushed back to the head keeper and asked what he should do. "Throw them to the lions" said the head keeper, "the lions will eat anything". So the young keeper returned to the aquarium, picked up all the dead fish and threw them into the lions cage. That done, he returned and asked what he should do now. He was instructed to go and clean out the ape house. Off he went and started cleaning. He was shocked to discover dead chimpanzees in the cage, and rushed back for instructions. "Dont worry" said the head keeper, "just throw them to the lions, the lions will eat anything". So t

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2. A father and his small son were standing in front of the tigers cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

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3. Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar. "Lets get out of here!" said Sauer. "Go on, ifn you want to," said the other redneck. "But Ahm stayin for the whole movie!"

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4. When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order?A zoo-t suit!

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5. Caller: Finally! I got through! Ive been trying to call the zoo for hours! Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

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6. Freds class was taken to the Natural History Museum in New York. "Did you enjoy yourself?" asked her mother when she got home. "Oh, yes," replied Fred. "But it was funny going to a dead zoo."

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7. Zoo visitor: Whats the new baby hippos name? Hippopotamus keeper: I dont know, he wont tell me.

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8. An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for animals, had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing them. The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the secretary to the mayor asked, "Have you looked in the yellow pages"? The director said he hadnt, but would, immediately. To his surprise, under "animal capturing service" he found a listing for the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately.

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9. Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo? One to get in and one to get out.

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10. Whats the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo?In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

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