A father and his small son were standing in front of the tigers cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

1. A father and his small son were standing in front of the tigers cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

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2. Father and son standing outside the elephants cage in the Moscow Zoo. Father tells son, "If we stand around here long enough, one of them will throw some food at us."

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3. Zoo Keeper:"Ive lost one of my elephants"Other Zoo Keeper:"Why dont you put an advert in the paper?"Zoo Keeper:"Dont be silly, he cant read!"

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4. What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?Stop playing it cagey!

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5. I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?

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6. Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?" "Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."

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7. Fred was definitely more than a bit dumb; when his pal asked him how he had enjoyed his day at the zoo, he replied, "it was a total con! I saw a sign that said To The Monkeys, so I followed it and saw the monkeys. Then I saw another sign that said To The Bears, so I followed that and saw the bears. But when I followed a sign that said To the Exit, I found myself out on the street."

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8. The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnus ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Marys turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNUS EAR!

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9. "Hey, Pop," pleaded Angelo, "can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?" "Whats the matter with you?" asked his father. "Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?"

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10. Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo? One to get in and one to get out.

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