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Category:
Computer jokes
Date Added: 11/10/2007
MORE Computer Jokes 
1. A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "Id like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."The genie responded, "Gee, I dont know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
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3. I overheard a woman in a computer store say to the sales assistant "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but its got to be simple enough for his father to play, too."
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4. Customer: "Ive been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally got your program so we could do it automatically -- but theres a bug in it. The answers come out differently each time." Tech Support: "Sir, are you aware that our program uses Monte-Carlo analysis?" Customer: "Of course I am. Thats why I bought it." Tech Support: "Sir, do you know what Monte-Carlo analysis does?" Customer: "Dont get rude with me, of course I do." Tech Support: "Put briefly, sir, it runs through your project several times, throwing random delays in, and at the end it averages out the results." Customer: "I know all that -- what I want to know is why it keeps giving me different answers every time I run it."
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5. A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid". The tech explained that the computers "bad" and "invalid" responses shouldnt be taken personally.
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6. What did Bill Gates wife say to him on their wedding night?No wonder you called the company Microsoft
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7. Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND 3) RANDOM 4) On a Pentium, all of the above A: Number 4.
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8. - Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer? - Well, dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...
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9. A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Engineer leans over to the Programmer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Programmer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The Engineer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you dont know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I dont know the answer, Ill pay you $5." Again, the Programmer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.The Engineer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you dont know the answer you pay me $5, and if I dont know the answer, Ill pay you $50!"This catches the Programmers attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless
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10. Customer: "Hi, Im supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?"
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