What do accountants suffer from that ordinary peop... joke

1. Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:"Hes such a sensitive child. Lets wait until hes older before we tell him youre an accountant."

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2. The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient."This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?""One was a teacher and the other was an accountant.""Ill take the accountants heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasnt been used."

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3. Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?They can wear casual clothes to work

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4. Whats an extroverted accountant?One who looks at your shoes while hes talking to you instead of his own.

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5. Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax partner and the senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying in the gutter. Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a genie appears."You know the deal," says the genie. "Three wishes. But seeing there are three of you, you can have one wish each.""Great," says the audit partner. "Take me to the Whitsunday Islands, give me a blonde and an endless supply of XXXX and leave me there for ever."Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone."Now me," says the tax partner. "Take me to the Cook Islands, give me two blondes and an endless supply of offshore tax schemes and leave me there for ever."Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone.The genie turns to the senior p

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6. A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two."The second was a social worker. She said, "I dont know the answer but Im glad we had time to discuss this important question."The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?"The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and close

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7. The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for."Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.""Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometres, say a Mercedes convertible."The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?""Yeah. But you started it."

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8. What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?His desk is level

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9. A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

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10. An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500.""Why does that parrot cost so much?" asks the accountant."Well," replies the owner, "it knows how to do complex audits.""How much does the middle parrot cost?" asks the accountant."That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts".The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"To which the owner replies "To be honest, Ive never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

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