How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?"What kind of answer did you have in mind?"Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget.

1. A patient was at her doctors office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant." "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient. "No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

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2. How do you know accountants have no imagination?They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.

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3. A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."

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4. What does CPA stand for?Cant Produce Anything

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5. Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:"Hes such a sensitive child. Lets wait until hes older before we tell him youre an accountant."

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6. An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldnt prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss.After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A f

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7. Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?They can wear casual clothes to work

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8. Why did he cross back?So he could charge the client for travel expenses.

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9. What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?His desk is level

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10. The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

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