The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!" "Honestly?" The politicians smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"

1. Q: Whats the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?A: No fee--If No Recovery!

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2. Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

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3. Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

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4. I want to become a politician when I grow up so Ive made a list of skills I want to aquire, butIve only come up with one: Lying.

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5. A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.

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6. Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gores life?A: Grade six.

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7. Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.

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8. Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season. Republicans do too, all year round.

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9. Once a madman said, "Do you know there is a war going on between India and Bharat? Another madman said, "Why should we worry, we live in Hindustan."

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10. Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities. A: Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first ones knee from jerking. A: None: They cant remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.

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