Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My dads way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitchers mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate!" One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the arrow hits the bulls eye!" The last boy said, "Your dads dont even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!"

1. Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead?A: His heart stops bleeding.

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2. A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party?" "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "NO!" exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?" "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. "Ive had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!"

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3. Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, Vote Democratic." His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesnt cost me a nickel. I dont give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, Vote Democratic."

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4. I want to become a politician when I grow up so Ive made a list of skills I want to aquire, butIve only come up with one: Lying.

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5. Q: What is a conservative?A: A liberal whos been mugged.

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6. Q: If Rodham gets health care, Bentsen gets treasury, and Aspin gets defense, what does Gore get?A: Coffee.

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7. Q: How many republicans does it take to disarm the law abiding public so that the government can enforce totalitarianistic and unconstitutional laws?A: None. The Sociali--Democrats do that

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8. A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if its big; ignore it if its insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" lawyer asked. "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say the devil is the father of liars, but instead I said the devil is the father of lawyers, so I let it go," minister replied.

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9. Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas cards. Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.

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10. An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says, "Im Shaquille ONeill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died." So he takes the first parachute and jumps.The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and Americas potential future President". She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.The third passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people no

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