Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked."He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder than I am.""Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldnt you say?"

1. Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: "It makes you feel young again." John looks at Sylvester and says, "We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!" Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive. About one mile later Sylvester asks, "Well John, do you feel young yet?" "No," replies John. So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road. A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, "John, do you feel younger?" "No," replies John, "but I sure did a childish thing!"

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2. Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I cant remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and cant remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, " Well, ladies, Im glad I dont have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, Ill get it!"

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3. Are you getting older and wiser? No, hes getting older and wider!

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4. The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

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5. How old is your Grandma? I dunno, but weve had him a long time.

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6. A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I cant see to pour the coffee." "I cant turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess thats the price we pay for getting old." "Well, its not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive."

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7. My grandma has so many wrinkles she has to screw her hat on.

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8. Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked."He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder than I am.""Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldnt you say?"

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9. Seventy-two-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing "fairly well" for his age.A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldnt resist asking the doctor, "Do you think Ill live to be 80?"The doctor asked, "Well, do you smoke or drink beer?""Oh no," Edgar replied, "Ive never done either."Then the doctor asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued ribs?"Edgar said, "No, Ive heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!""Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?" the doctor asked."No, I dont," Edgar replied.Then the doctor asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?""No," Edgar said, "I dont do any of those things."The good doctor looked at Edgar and said, "Then why the hec

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10. Whats the best thing about turning 65?No more calls from insurance salesmen.

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