A man walks into a friend and sees that his friends caris total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches,dirt and blood. He asks his friend,"Whats happened to your car?""Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer"."OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?""Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

1. If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one ofthem, would you read the paper or go to lunch?

- RATE / SHARE →

2. Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, "lawyer" is always the third thing they look up?Because the first thing a child looks up is "dog." The second is "snake." And under snake, the encyclopedia says "See Lawyer."

- RATE / SHARE →

3. A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlightsbroken and considerable damage. Theres no sign of theoffending vehicle but hes relieved to see that theres anote stuck under the windshield wiper."Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who sawthe accident are nodding and smiling at me because they thinkIm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But Im not."

- RATE / SHARE →

4. A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The ranchers prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldnt resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldnt have won the case. The

- RATE / SHARE →

5. A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasnt a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."

- RATE / SHARE →

6. Where is the best place to hide a lawyer?In a brief case.

- RATE / SHARE →

7. A man walks into a friend and sees that his friends caris total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches,dirt and blood. He asks his friend,"Whats happened to your car?""Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer"."OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?""Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

- RATE / SHARE →

8. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?Cut the rope.

- RATE / SHARE →

9. How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?Only one if you run him through slowly!

- RATE / SHARE →

10. What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?Lawsuits.

- RATE / SHARE →