Whats the difference between a lawyer and atrampoline?You should take your workboots off beforeyou jump on a trampoline.

1. Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

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2. Why didnt Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyers heart? Because even Cupid cant hit a target that small!

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3. At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another: "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for four very good reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants dont get so attached to them, third there are some things even a rat wont do, and fourth sometimes it very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings."

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4. Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.

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5. "How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles. "My dear woman," lawyer replied, "Ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that easy question."

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6. If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?

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7. What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

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8. It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married,but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got toheaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them toget married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life,and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it andagreed, but said they would have to wait.It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent forthem. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things wenton, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time,that eternity was best not spent together. They went back toSt. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, butnow we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is thereany way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter."It took me a hundred years to get a pr

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9. In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a couple of years ago I met an old carpenter that said lawyers were always his favorite clients! When I asked him why he got so much pleasure out of having lawyers as clients he replied, "I only build coffins now."

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10. The bartender asks him "Whatll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "Thatll be five dollars", to which he replies "What are you talking about? I dont owe you anything for this".A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, hes got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration". The bartenders not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But dont ever let me catch you in here again".The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the hell are you doing in here? I cant believe youve got the audacity to come back!". The guy says "What are you talking about? Ive never been in this place

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