A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "Id like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."The genie responded, "Gee, I dont know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

1. A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The cars occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Lets have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.""No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has

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2. A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace - was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a "window" to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later if it might be all right to close the window. Why, the IBM technician asked. Because, the caller responded, it was getting very chilly.

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3. There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, Why dont we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe itll work !?

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4. Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on?Pupil: No, Miss, the dress youre wearing looks fine.

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5. What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer?The Netcracker suite.

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6. Youre spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked?No, theyve always been blue!

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7. Which football team to you need to connect up your computer?Leeds.

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8. What did the mouse say to the webcam?Cheese.

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9. A customer called to say he couldnt get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the screen and pressing the "send" key.

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10. Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my face in it!Pupil: But then it will crack and we wont be able to use it at all.

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