A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.The software manager says, "I cant do anything about this - its a hardware problem."The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - lets ship it!"

1. "No, no, no!" said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "Thats fine," said the salesman, "Im selling spectacles."

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2. An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way sir." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die ?""Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I dont reckon thatd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while Im alive."

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3. One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object."What is that?" Mikey asked. "Its a thermos," the salesman replied. "What does it do?" asked Mikey. "This baby," the salesman said, "keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. "What is it?" they asked."Its a thermos," Mikey replied."What does it do?" they asked."Well," Mikey says in a bragging manner, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.""What do ya got in it?"To which Mikey says, "Three cups of coffee and a popsicle."

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4. A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires.After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enuff and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother ?"

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5. How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?His lips are moving.

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6. Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself. Doctor: Why is that? Patient: Im a salesman and I keep selling myself things I dont want.

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7. Policeman: Why didnt you check your speedometer?Driver: It broke when I hit 100.

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8. A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a womans home in a rural area."This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.The woman says shes really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman says, "If this machine doesnt remove all the dust completely, Ill lick it off myself.""Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "were not connected for electricity yet!"

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9. Salesman: That suit looks nice. It fits like a bandage.Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident.

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10. Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, "Im returning on the next flight. Cant sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling "The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"

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