Doctor, Doctor Im a burglar !Have you taken anything for it ?

1. Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasnt much left.

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2. Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fishPoor sole!

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3. Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.Doctor: Oh, really?Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

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4. Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking Im a nit Will you get out of my hair!

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5. How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?None, they just have a nursing assistant do it.As much as the doctor orders.

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6. A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain."Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman."What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."Dentist: $100.00.Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

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7. Doctor, doctor I keep thinking Im a beeBuzz off cant you see Im busy?

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8. The Doctor was puzzled "Im very sorry but I cant diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. ""Dont worry about it Dr. Kelley, Ill come back when youre sober."

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9. A pipe burst in a doctors house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I dont even make that much as a doctor!." The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

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10. Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.Doctor: Didnt the new glasses help?Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

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