Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughters birthday and he hadnt bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $375.00." "Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!?", Ralph asked surprised. The Manager replies, "Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Kens car, Kens House, Kens boat, Kens dog, Kens cat and Kens furniture."

1. An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We cant stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says "Were sick of each other, and Im sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell theyre getting divorced," she shouts, "Ill take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Dont do a single thing until I get there. Im calling my brother back, and well both be there tomorrow. Until then, dont do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hang

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2. Question: Whats the major cause of divorce? Answer: Once is not enough.

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3. Two men are talking. The first sez, "I got married because I was tiredof eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearingshabby clothes.""Amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very samereasons."

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4. A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says shell see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "shes my mistress." "Well, thats the last straw," says the wife. "Ive had enough, I want a divorce." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Whos that woman with Jim? " asks the wife. "Thats his mistress,"

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5. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.He thought he was God, and I didnt.

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6. A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say, "Judge, we want a divorce." The judge says, "Youve been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?" The couple say in unison, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

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7. Regardless of what you may hear, theres still many women these dayswho are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce,they keep the house.

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8. Q. What do a hurricane, a tornado, and aredneck divorce all have in common? A. Someones going to lose their trailer...

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9. Miss DeAngelo was a none-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didnt find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the other woman in her husbands life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?""Well, yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I couldnt help it." "Couldnt help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "Hows that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?""See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."

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10. Q: How many divorcees does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. The sockets all went with the house.

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