An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just cant get to sleep at night.""Have you tried counting sheep?""Thats the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

1. Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party:".......and ninthly..."

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2. Whats the definition of a good tax accountant?Someone who has a loophole named after him.

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3. "The auditors have just left, sir.""Did they check the books?""Very thoroughly.""What did they say?""They want 15% to keep quiet."

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4. A patient was at her doctors office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant." "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient. "No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

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5. Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:"No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldnt be tax deductible, but I like your thinking".

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6. The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him."How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is dont you?"The young partner is offended. "Of course I know what Ethics is. Its a county in southern England."

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7. Whats the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?Go into town and gang-audit someone.

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8. How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?Hmmm........Ill just do a few numbers and get back to you

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9. What would Economics be without assumptions?Accounting

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10. The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for."Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.""Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometres, say a Mercedes convertible."The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?""Yeah. But you started it."

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