Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number twos hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "its that $50 I owe you."

1. A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, "Tell you what, Ill bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock."The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a big mob and he cant see how anyone could guess correctly so he says, "OK. Youre on.""Nine hundred and thirty two," says the man.The farmer takes off his hat and scratches his head. "I dont know how you did it but thats exactly right. A bets a bet. Take any sheep."The man picks up an animal and is about to walk off when the farmer says, "Hang on. Bet you double or nothing that I can guess your occupation."The man thinks, "How would he know, hes never met me before" and says "Righto. Youre on".The farmer says, "Youre an auditor with

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2. Why did God invent economists?So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

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3. Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind ?A: None-just assume its changed.

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4. Mr Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large manufacturing concern. Every day, on arriving at work, he would unlock the top drawer of his desk, peer at something inside, then close and lock the drawer. He had done this for 25 years. The entire staff was intrigued but no-one was game to ask him what was in the drawer. Finally the time came for Mr Evans to retire. There was a farewell party with speeches and a presentation. As soon as Mr Evans had left the building some of the staff rushed into his office, unlocked the top drawer and peered in. Taped to the bottom of the drawer was a sheet of paper. It read, "The debit side is the one nearest the window."

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5. When do accountants laugh out loud?When somebody asks for a raise

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6. What does FCPA stand for?Finally Caught Pinching the Assets

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7. What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?Its 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......

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8. There are three kinds of accountants in the world.Those who can count and those who cant.

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9. An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500.""Why does that parrot cost so much?" asks the accountant."Well," replies the owner, "it knows how to do complex audits.""How much does the middle parrot cost?" asks the accountant."That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts".The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"To which the owner replies "To be honest, Ive never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

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10. Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party:".......and ninthly..."

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