Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout."You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and youre going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"The Englishman spoke first."Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men.""That can be arranged," said the terrorist.The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management."The terrorist turned finally to the America n."What is your last request?"The American replied, "I want you to kill me right now so I dont have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!"

1. When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men he said he couldnt increase my pay, but if I told him the names of the three men hed fire them.

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2. The Ten Commandments Of EmploymentIf it rings, put it on hold.If it clunks, call the repairman.If it whistles, ignore it.If its a friend, stop work and chat.If its the boss, look busy.If it talks, take notes.If its handwritten, type it.if its typed, copy it.If its copied, file it.If its Friday, forget it!

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3. What business is King Kong in? Monkey business.

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4. Q: Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?A: From crawling across the street when the sign said: "Dont Walk."

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5. According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, its getting worse.Following last weeks news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale, and it is (you guessed it!) going for a song.Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

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6. Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?""Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldnt get the job.About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

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7. An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building."Your workers, theyre escaping!" cries the visitor. "Youve got to stop them.""Dont worry, theyll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one oclock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?""Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

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8. After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said hed have to withhold ten percent of Arnolds wages to pay for the repairs. "How much will it cost?" asked Arnold. "About $4,500," said the owner. "What a relief!" exclaimed Arnold. Ive finally got job security!"

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9. An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers."As Im sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, Im so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment counselor.The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

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10. "Im not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."

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