A brain walks into a bar and says, "Ill have a pint of beer please."The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I cant serve you.""Why not?" askes the brain."Youre already out of your head."

1. A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet."Is this where Frank lives?" one of the drunks asked."Yes, it is," the woman replied."Well then," said the drunk, "Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?"

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2. I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

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3. It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldnt walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasnt coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers."Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked? He admitted that he was."Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he."And what did you do then," the troopers asked." The man replied that he drove his car home

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4. A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!" The bartender does nothing. So the man takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again. "Jesus! He just jumped again!" The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink. "How did you survive that jump?".."I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float." So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink. He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window and...SPLAT! Right on the sidew

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5. The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "Whatll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "Thatll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I dont owe you anything for this."A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, hes got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But dont ever let me catch you in here again."The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I cant believe youve got the audacity to come back!" The guy says, "What are you talking abou

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6. A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. Im so mad, I cant even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why dont you let off a little steam and tell me why youre so upset?"So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if Id like to come back to her hotel to have dinner an

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7. A brain walks into a bar and says, "Ill have a pint of beer please."The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I cant serve you.""Why not?" askes the brain."Youre already out of your head."

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8. A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartenter " Give me twenty shots of your best singlemalt scotch quick!"] The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says " Wow. I never saw anybady drink that fast." The man says " well you would drink as fast as I do if you had what I have." The bartender says " Oh my god . what is it. what do you have?" The man looks at him and says " Fifty cents."

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9. Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

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10. A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk. "Im looking for my car, and I cant find it." "So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk. "Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"

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