A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club."Youll be driving later," replies the bartender.

1. A man walks into a bar and orders a shot then looks into his pocket. he does this over and over again. finally the bartender asks why he orders a shot and after drinking it he looks into his pocket. the man responded " i have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then ill go home."

- RATE / SHARE →

2. Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldnt drive.

- RATE / SHARE →

3. A man comes in to the room and says to his wife, "Im going to the pub. Get your coat on." The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?" The husband replies, "No - Im turning the heating off.

- RATE / SHARE →

4. A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot.When he enters his house, he doesnt want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldnt have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didnt know he was hurt.A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under

- RATE / SHARE →

5. A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet."Is this where Frank lives?" one of the drunks asked."Yes, it is," the woman replied."Well then," said the drunk, "Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?"

- RATE / SHARE →

6. John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "Im very sorry officer, I didnt realize it was out, Ill get it fixed right away."Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for Johns license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didnt realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the off

- RATE / SHARE →

7. Where do Martians drink beer ?At a mars bar !

- RATE / SHARE →

8. "I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and Ill never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "Thats a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" "She wouldnt eat the mushrooms!"

- RATE / SHARE →

9. Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husbands behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why dont you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why dont you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The

- RATE / SHARE →

10. At the end of the night a man leaves the bar. Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over. He proceeds to kick her several times and when hes done he bends down to her and says, "not so tough tonight, are you Batman?"

- RATE / SHARE →