A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 hes willing to bet anyone who says he cant. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "Whats the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? Im not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and Ill ask him something else." The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?" The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, "DiMaggio?"

1. A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, Im Jesus Christ. The first priest says, No, son, Im Jesus Christ. So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, No, son, Im Jesus Christ. The drunk says, Look, I can prove it. and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, Jesus Christ, youre here again?

- RATE / SHARE →

2. Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "Ill bet you $10 hell jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he wont," said the second guy.Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money."I cant take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five oclock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five oclock news too. I just didnt think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

- RATE / SHARE →

3. The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "Whatll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "Thatll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I dont owe you anything for this."A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, hes got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But dont ever let me catch you in here again."The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I cant believe youve got the audacity to come back!" The guy says, "What are you talking abou

- RATE / SHARE →

4. John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat."How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand."It was great," said the sailor. "But why didnt you wait? We were just pulling in!"

- RATE / SHARE →

5. A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartenter " Give me twenty shots of your best singlemalt scotch quick!"] The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says " Wow. I never saw anybady drink that fast." The man says " well you would drink as fast as I do if you had what I have." The bartender says " Oh my god . what is it. what do you have?" The man looks at him and says " Fifty cents."

- RATE / SHARE →

6. Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."

- RATE / SHARE →

7. Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a street corner. One says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot today. Id really like to go into the bar and get a beer, but the sign on the front door says, "No Pets Allowed," and I cant leave Fido alone on the street." The other man replies, "No problem, just stand by the door and watch me, and youll be having that beer real soon!" The second man reaches into his pocket and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, and then walks into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you cant bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But Im blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!" The bartender says, "Oh, okay then." The man drinks his beer and leaves. The first man then puts on dark sunglasses and goes into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you cant b

- RATE / SHARE →

8. A man walks into a bar and orders a shot then looks into his pocket. he does this over and over again. finally the bartender asks why he orders a shot and after drinking it he looks into his pocket. the man responded " i have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then ill go home."

- RATE / SHARE →

9. A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why, of course, comes the reply.The first man then asks, Where are you from?Im from Ireland, replies the second man.The first man responds by saying, You dont say. Im from Ireland too. Lets have another round to Ireland.Of course, replies the second man.Curious, the first man then asks, Where in Ireland are you from?Dublin, comes the reply.I cant believe it, says the first man, Im from Dublin too. Lets have another drink to Dublin.Of course, replies the second man.Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, What school did you go to?St Marys, replies the second man, I graduated in 1962.This is unbelievable, the first man says. I went to St Marys and I graduated in 1962 too.About that time, one of the regulars comes

- RATE / SHARE →

10. A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the drunk man and says,"Im sorry sir, but I cant serve you...youve already had too much to drink." The guy swears and walks out of the bar. Five minutes later the guy comes flying through the side door of the bar, and yells for a beer. Again the bartender says,"Im sorry, sir...but I cant serve you...youve already had too much to drink!" Ten minutes later, the same guy comes barrel-assing through the back door of the bar, storms up to the bartender, and demands a beer. Again, the bartender says to the man..."Im really sorry, sir, but youve had too much to drink...youre going to have to leave!" The guy looks quizzically at the bartender and says finally, "My God, man... How many bars do you work

- RATE / SHARE →