Redmond, WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

1. Which kind of ink do you put in your computers printer? Black, Red or Iced?Iced Ink?Well, yes you do, but I didnt want to mention it.

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2. Q: Whats the best way to accelerate a Mac?A: 9.81 m/s2

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3. A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid". The tech explained that the computers "bad" and "invalid" responses shouldnt be taken personally.

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4. How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?Hide their trainers.

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5. Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?" Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I think Ive got the wrong software installed in my computer." Tech Support: "Why is that, sir?" Customer: "I bought this minitower system from you, and it came loaded with software called the XYZ Desktop." Tech Support: "Yes...?" Customer: "Shouldnt it be called the XYZ Minitower? I OBVIOUSLY have the wrong software installed in this computer."

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6. What happened when the computer fell on the floor?It slipped a disk.

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7. ..... Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ONE choice of software?!?

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8. How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?"Youre still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!"

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9. There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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10. Which football team to you need to connect up your computer?Leeds.

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