Zoo Jokes (33)

1. "Hey, Pop," pleaded Angelo, "can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?" "Whats the matter with you?" asked his father. "Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?"

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

2. A father and his small son were standing in front of the tigers cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

3. A father and his small son were standing in front of the tigers cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

4. A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think theyll go?"The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

5. A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lions mouth," the vet told him."How do I do that?" he asked."Carefully," replied the vet.

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

6. A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of the cages"An whut animal would that be ?" he asked the keeper."Thats a moose from Canada", came the reply."A moose !!", exclaimed the Scotsman. "Hoots, mon, if thats a moose then they must ha rats the size of elephants over there !"

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

7. An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for animals, had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing them. The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the secretary to the mayor asked, "Have you looked in the yellow pages"? The director said he hadnt, but would, immediately. To his surprise, under "animal capturing service" he found a listing for the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately. Within 20 minutes, a panel truck arrived at the admin office of the zoo and a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was waiting at the door. "Is there a wooded area in the vicinity?", the little man asked. The director said there was, within one half mile from the zoo. "Hop in the truck", the little man said. The director did and they drove off. Minutes later they arrived at a small grove and immediately spotted Arnold on a branch about 25 feet above the ground. The two men got out, went to the back of the truck and the little man opened the door. An excited little dog jumped out and began running around in circles. The little man reached into the truck and took out a suitcase, which he opened. In the suitcase were a pair of handcuffs, which he handed to the zoo director, a sawed off shotgun, which he leaned against the trunk of the tree, and a baseball bat. "Now," the little man said, "Im going up into the tree with the baseball bat, and Im going to knoc k the ape out of the tree. The instant the ape hits the ground the dog, well trained, will bite the ape by the crotch and chomp-down with his jaws. The ape will, instantly and instinctively, grab at his crotch with both hands due to the pain, and you snap the handcuffs on and weve got him. The zoo director, pointing to the shotgun leaning against the tree, said "Im not too sure about this -- whats the gun for?" The little man said, "Look, Im an expert. I know what Im doing and things will go just fine, after all, I have the baseball bat. I know my job and itll never happen but if the ape should, by any chance, knock ME out of the tree, SHOOT THE DOG!!!"

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

8. Caller: Finally! I got through! Ive been trying to call the zoo for hours! Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

9. Come on, Fred, Ill take you to the zoo. If the zoo wants me, let them come and get me!

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

10. Father and son standing outside the elephants cage in the Moscow Zoo. Father tells son, "If we stand around here long enough, one of them will throw some food at us."

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

11. Fred was definitely more than a bit dumb; when his pal asked him how he had enjoyed his day at the zoo, he replied, "it was a total con! I saw a sign that said To The Monkeys, so I followed it and saw the monkeys. Then I saw another sign that said To The Bears, so I followed that and saw the bears. But when I followed a sign that said To the Exit, I found myself out on the street."

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

12. FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla?BERT: No, what happened?FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . .BERT: What did you do?FRED: Oh, Id had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

13. Freds class was taken to the Natural History Museum in New York. "Did you enjoy yourself?" asked her mother when she got home. "Oh, yes," replied Fred. "But it was funny going to a dead zoo."

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

14. I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

15. I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

16. Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordans reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left."So how was it?" Elaine asked when they returned home."Great," Little Jordan replied."Did you and your father have a good time?" asked Elaine."Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Jordan, excitedly,"especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

17. My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said, "If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!"

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

18. One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwins Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brothers keeper or my keepers brother."

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

19. Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar. "Lets get out of here!" said Sauer. "Go on, ifn you want to," said the other redneck. "But Ahm stayin for the whole movie!"

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

20. Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?" "Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."

Added over 10 years ago in Zoo jokes  

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