Time Jokes (36)

1. 1st Roman Soldier: What is the time ?2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII !

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

2. A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,"You know, its the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

3. A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the citys major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Yes?" "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" "8:25!" The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another o ne disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. "Sir, sir? Its 8:45!."

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

4. A man with one watch knows what time it is.A man with two watches is never sure.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

5. Customer: Id like a watch that tells time.Clerk: Dont you have a watch that tells time?Customer: No, you have to look at it.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

6. Do you know the time ? No, we havent met yet !

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

7. For a weddin present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "Watcha do with the money, son?" "Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy. "Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should av bought yoreself a rifle!" "A rifle? What fer?" "Supposn one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "Watcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

8. How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb? You can hear their brooms tick!

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

9. I hope youre not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock, said the principal to a new boy.No, Sir. Ive got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

10. If twenty dogs run after one cat, what time is it? Twenty after one.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

11. If your watch is broken, why cant you go fishing?Because you dont have the time.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

12. Julie: What time is it?Counsellor: Three oclock.Julie: Oh,no!Counsellor: Whats the matter?Julie: Ive been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

13. One day a man met three beggars. To the first he gave a dime, to the second a dime, and to the third a nickel. What time was it?A quarter to three.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

14. That boy is so dirty, the only time he washes his ears is when he eats watermelon.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

15. The proud owner of an impressive new clock was showing it off to a friend. This clock, he said, will go for 14 days without winding. Really? replied his friend, And how long will it go if you do wind it ?

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

16. What are your two favourite times to party? Daytime and night-time!

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

17. What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend? Long time no sea.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

18. What dog can tell the time ?A watch dog !

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

19. What kind of watch is best for people who dont like time on their hands? A pocket watch.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

20. What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?Time to get it fixed.

Added over 10 years ago in Time jokes  

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