Salesmen Jokes (35)

1. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house. "Yeah, shes home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is; but this isnt where I live.

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

2. "No, no, no!" said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "Thats fine," said the salesman, "Im selling spectacles."

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3. A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a womans home in a rural area."This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.The woman says shes really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman says, "If this machine doesnt remove all the dust completely, Ill lick it off myself.""Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "were not connected for electricity yet!"

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

4. A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The storeowner replies "Im sorry, but the cat isnt for sale. The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. Ill pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cats used to it and itll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but thats my lucky saucer. So far this week Ive sold sixty-eight cats."

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

5. A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, "Wait, Fellow! Please dont do that !!!"The salesman said, "Why not ?" and proceeded to expound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and Clinton politics.Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

6. A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water."That customers going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?""Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

7. A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared."I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."The salesman thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has just received $20,000,000," the genie said."Ive always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?""Well," said the salesman, "Ive always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

8. A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the unbreakable comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

9. A salesman who was out on his territory had a heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called the salesmans company and related the tragedy to the sales manager.The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and told the motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search his pants for orders."

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

10. A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.The software manager says, "I cant do anything about this - its a hardware problem."The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - lets ship it!"

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

11. A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

12. A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires.After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enuff and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother ?"

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

13. An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water."What kind of salesman are you?" the boss scolded. "Get out there and sell him a boat."

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

14. An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way sir." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die ?""Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I dont reckon thatd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while Im alive."

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15. Customer: You said these pants were pure wool, but the label says "all cotton."Salesman: Oh, thats just to keep the moths away.

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16. Had a door-to-door salesman call one time selling of all things -- burial plots. I told him that we already had our plots in another cemetery.He seemed uncertain as to what to say next, but he recovered to say politely, "I hope youll be very happy there."

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17. How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?His lips are moving.

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18. How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?"Hi. Nice to meet you. Im better than you."

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19. Insurance agent to would-be client: "Dont let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonite. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.

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20. Ned: What does your Dad sell ?Ed: Salt.Ned: Well, my dad is a salt seller, too.Ed: Shake.

Added over 10 years ago in Salesmen jokes  

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