Money Jokes (83)

1. A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

2. A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it werent for my money, the house wouldnt be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it werent for your money I wouldnt be here."

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

3. A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it werent for my money, we wouldnt be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it werent for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldnt on a honeymoon, nor wouldthere be any "we" in the first place."

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

4. A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. "Oh yes, Ive done that," said the old gentleman. "Ive only got to make a will. And do you know what Im going to do with all my money? Im going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

5. A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong."Ohhh, its my girlfriend.""Whats the problem?""When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

6. A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:Dear Lord,Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

7. A little monster was learning to play the violin, Im good, arent I? he asked his big brother.You should be on the radio, said his brother.You think Im that good?No, I think youre terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off !

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

8. A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

9. After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, weve finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

10. An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what theyd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. Alec ! yelled the teacher, youve done nothing. Why?Because if I had a million dollars, thats exactly what I would do !

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

11. At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars.One of the chamber members stood up and said,"I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

12. Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. Whats the matter? Isnt half a million enough for you?

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

13. Dad, would you like to save some money?I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I wont wear my shoes out so fast.

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

14. Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? Hes so happy that hes giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

15. Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner,"Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

16. Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you?Mary: Id pay whatever it charged.

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

17. Five dollars for one question! said the girl to the fortune-teller.Thats very expensive,isnt it ?Next!

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

18. Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, Ill buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

19. Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: Thats what Im afraid of!

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

20. Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.

Added over 10 years ago in Money jokes  

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