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Internet Jokes 
1.
Can you show me how to use the Internet?Id better - otherwise youll just go round and round in circles.
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2.
Did you know pillows have their own website?Really? Well you could knock me down with a feather!
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- 5.
Do you like surfing the net?Oh yes, Ive really taken a shine to it. (Moon to Sun)
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7.
Do you want some help using the Internet, son?No thanks, Dad, I can muck it up all by myself.
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9.
Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach?No, you should do it on a computer.
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11.
Does your mum like shopping on the Internet?No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.
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13.
Have you heard that theres a new mountain website?Really? I must take a peak at it!
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23.
Have you seen www.lockeddoor.com?Yes, but I found it very difficult to get into.
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25.
Have you seen www.pitchdark.com?Yes, but I really couldnt see what all the fuss is about.
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46.
I cant find a shark website....Thats cos youre dum dum, dum dum, dum dum, dumb......
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47.
I hear youve been tracing your ancestors on the internet...Yes - and its a mammoth task!
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48.
I hope youre not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesnt get any exercise.Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.
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49.
I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now Ive changed my mind.Lets hope your new one works better then the one you had before.
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50.
I see youve got your bill for using the InternetYes, and my dads really going to get the hump!
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51.
I spent the whole evening knotsurfing!Dont you mean netsurfing?No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!
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52.
I use the internet to tell me what the weathers like.How do you do that?I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know its raining!
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53.
If doors have a website shouldnt windows have one too?Wed better, or it will be curtains for us.
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54.
My dog likes to sit down each evening and surf the Net.What an intelligent animal!Not really, it took the cat three weeks to teach him.
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55.
Our website should have more colour, more games, more sound!Look, what more do you want? Blood?
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56.
PE Teacher: Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?Pupil: You told me to put it in the Net.
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57.
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Exactly five hundred.1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.21 to flame the spell checkers.49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bul bs be stopped.41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, "Me Too."6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.9 to quote the "Me Toos" and happily add, "Me Three!"3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
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58.
Since youve discovered the Internet, you dont pay any attention to me!Who said that?
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59.
So what exactly can I learn on the Internet?Anything you like - it can even teach you to talk like an Indian.How?See? Its working already.
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60.
Teacher: Dont forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions.Pupil: Its not the questions I have trouble with, its the answers.
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61.
Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, youll be fat and useless when you grow up.Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!
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62.
Teacher: What are the four elements?Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet.Teacher: What do you mean the Internet?Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever Im on the Net, Im in my element.
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63.
Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computers disk drive?Pupil: To keep vampires off the InternetTeacher: But there arent any vampires on the InternetPupil: See? It works, doesnt it?
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66.
What did the maths homework website say to the geometry website?Boy do we have problems.
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67.
What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet?P.Cs of eight, P.Cs of eight.
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68.
What did the sausage say when it couldnt log on to the Internet?If at first you dont succeed Fry, Fry again
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69.
What did you say to the policeman who spent eight hours on the Internet?Oh give it arrest.
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77.
What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?Anything you like, theyre not listening to you anyway.
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79.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with the Internet?I dont know, but its e-nourmous.
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81.
What do you get if you type www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer?A sore finger.
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85.
What happened when the schoool bully went netsurfing?The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.
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90.
Whats hairy, dangerous and only surfs the Net when theres a full moon?The www.erewolf.
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91.
Whats O. J. Simpsons Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
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97.
Which of the seven dwarfs use the Internet?Happ-e, Sleep-e, Grump-e, Dope-e and Sneez-e.
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103.
Who sits at the end of the yellow brick road surfing the Net?The www.izard of Oz.
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111.
Why couldnt the baby camel surf the Internet?Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got the hump.
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112.
Why did the mummy stop using the Internet?He was getting far too wrapped up in it.
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114.
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?Because they cant stop saving their work.
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116.
Why do you think your report should be on the net?Because my marks are all Es.
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117.
Why was Cinderella able to surf the web?Because he footman turned into a mouse.
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119.
You need to log on to the window repair website!I did - but it gave me a pane!
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