Cat Jokes (91)

1. "Doctor," said the patient, "I need help! I cant stop acting like a cat!""How long have you had this problem?" the doctor asked."Lests see," said the patient, "Mom had the litter in 41

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

2. A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

3. A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. "Excuse me", he said tothe cat in charge, "Can you get milk stains out?" "Sure," repliedthe cat. "Well have that stain licked in a minute!"

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

4. A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man "I cant believe what Im seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!" The man replied "Nah lady this cats not clever at all Im beating it 6 games to 1"

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

5. Brother: Did you put the cat out ? Sister: Why, is it on fire ?

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

6. For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: - Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. - No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. - You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. - Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. - No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. - Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. - Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry o n as if they did.- Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom. - Cats and teenagers do not improve anyones furniture. - Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

7. How do cats eat spaghetti ?The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

8. How do cats eat spaghetti ?The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

9. How do you know if you cats got a bad cold ?He has cat-arrh !

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

10. How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling ?Shes got that down in the mouth look !

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

11. How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?They never cry over spilt milk !

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

12. How is cat food sold ?Usually purr can !

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

13. If a cat won an Oscar, what would he get? An a-cat-emy award.

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

14. Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And Ive just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "Thats an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isnt it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "Thats because hes inside your cat."

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

15. On what should you mount a statue of your cat ?A caterpillar !

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

16. Q: How do cats buy things? - A: From a cat-alogue!

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

17. Q: What did the female cat say to the male cat? - A: Youre the purrfect cat for me!

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

18. Q: What do cats like to eat on a hot day? - A: Mice cream

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

19. Q: What do you call a cat when he first wakes up with the alarm clock? - A: Catsup!

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

20. Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons? - A: A sourpuss!

Added over 10 years ago in Cat jokes  

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