Business Jokes (100)

1. "Im not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

2. "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. Ill connect you with my supervisor . . ."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

3. "The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. Youre gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man." - Jay Leno

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

4. "Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?""I ought to be able to. Ive had ten different jobs in four months."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

5. A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, sohe asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much wouldyou take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

6. A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other mans hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention .... "

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

7. A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customers table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know thats the first time in ten years weve been out of rye bread!"

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

8. A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more paid of false teeth...try them."The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him."I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? Ive been looking for a good dentist."The man replied, "Im not a dentist. Im the local undertaker."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

9. A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you dont think you can solve," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wits end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product pro blems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

10. A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush.The phone was now working fine--except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call.A repairman arrived within the hour!

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

11. A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer. Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral?" The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant. Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, "I dont know. Im going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this." He goes into Mr. Larsons office and comes back. Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, "Its a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!"

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

12. A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While hes waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars.He counts his money at the counter. "Wait a minute," he says to the clerk, "When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. Whats going on here?""Fluctuations." says the clerk.The Japanese man stiffens. "Well! Fluck you Americans, too!"

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

13. A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. Hes crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. Theres a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes." "Im not falling for this." says the man. "Im not going to trust a used car salesman!" "What do you have to lose? Youve got no transportation, and it looks like youre a goner anyway! " The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. "OK, kid, whats your second wish." "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. "OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: "I wish that no matter where I go a beautiful woman will want and need me." ***POOF*** Hes turned into a tampon. The moral of the story? If a used car salesman offers you anything at no cost, theres going to be a string attached s omewhere!

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

14. A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"The man below says: "Yes, youre in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.""You must work in Technical Support," says the balloonist."I do," replies the man. "How did you know?""Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless."The man below says: "You must be in management.""I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?""Well", says the man, "you dont know where you are, or where youre going, but you expect me to be able to help. Youre still in the same position you were before we met, but now its my fault."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

15. A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk."Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the mans feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says."Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

16. A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you.""Oh, great," he said, "What is it?""Its called the door!"

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

17. A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what Im out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. Its postdated six years from now."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

18. A new business was opening and one of the owners friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace". The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was ,the florist said. "Sir, Im really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

19. A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read MAIN ENTRANCE.

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

20. A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, its only $1 a share." "Buy me 1000 shares." said the client. The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares." The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4. The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client." "Great!" said the broker. The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9. Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!" The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."

Added over 10 years ago in Business jokes  

Random Joke Trending Jokes Top Rated Jokes