Blonde Jokes (325)

1. ... Q.) Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?A.) Because red means Stop.

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

2. A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the ladys 78-yearold daughter (who wasnt blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didnt make it."Didnt make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

3. A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, whos the other father!?!"

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

4. A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens.She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

5. A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 Oclock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldnt jump.Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I cant take this, youre my friend."But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bets a bet."Then the redhead said "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 Oclock news, so I cant take your money."The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I didnt think he would jump again!"

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

6. A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh i know."So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what lookeda bottle. She poured it on the rabit and they bothgot in the car. Suddenly the rabit got up hopped alittle bit and waved, hopped a little and waved,hopped to the top of the hill and waved.Then dissapered over it.The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour onthat rabit?"His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

7. A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didnt reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened?She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

8. A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?""Sure," he replies. "Whats the problem?""Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I cant even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "Theres always a picture of what the puzzle is." "Its a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

9. A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, I can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde? Her mother replied, Of couse it is, dear. The next day, the blonde said, I can say the alphabet higher then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?Her mother replied, Of course it is dear!The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, I have a larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am a blonde?Her mother replied, No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old."

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

10. A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator."Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies."Okay, where do you live?""In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies."No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly."Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

11. A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horses mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horses pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

12. A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads. The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help. "What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me." "Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."She says, "Its ceramic tile."

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

13. A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesnt serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesnt serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesnt serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"Thats not a TV - its a microwave."

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

14. A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employees well being, asks sympathetically, "Whats the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "Im terribly sorry to hear that. Why dont you go home for the day... we arent terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, Id be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," re plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

15. A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, Im done with the Wal-Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart..."

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

16. A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?""Why, officer?" asks the blonde."Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.""Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

17. A blonde once shot an arrow into the air... but missed!

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

18. A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it Curl Up and Dye.

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

19. A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, shes overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, dont do it..."The blonde yells back, "Shut up! Youre next!"

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

20. A blonde tried to blow up her husbands car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Added over 10 years ago in Blonde jokes  

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