Birthday Jokes (76)

1. "Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.I told my computer that today is my birthday,and it said that I needed an upgrade."

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

2. "Did you go shopping for my birthday present?" "Yeah, and I found the perfect thing." "What thing is that?" "Nothing!"

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

3. "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." "Next time, take off the candles."

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

4. "I guess I didnt get my birthday wish." "How do you know?" "Youre still here!"

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

5. "I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing Happy Birthday."

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

6. "Im giving a surprised birthday party for you." "A surprised. birthday party? Whats that?" "Thats where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, Ill be surprised!"

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

7. "My birthdays coming"Do you know what I need?" "Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?"

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

8. "This birthday cake certainly is crunchy." "Maybe you should spit out the plate!"

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

9. "Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies."

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

10. A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,"Ill buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."Well, you can imagine her disappointment.The next year, her birthday rolls around again and thistime he doesnt get her anything.She says, "Why didnt you get me a birthday present!?"He replies, "You didnt use what I got you last year!"

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

11. A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. Whats the matter? she asked. Its my birthday! he hollered. And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon theres to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . . and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. But thats lovely, said the old lady. Why are you crying? Because Im lost!

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

12. A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"She said, "Id love to be ten again."On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

13. A man who forgets his wifes birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

14. A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, "Hello." "Are you the game warden?" she asked. "Yes." "Finally Ahve got the right person!" she said. "Could yawl gimme some help with my sons birthday party?"

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

15. BoyFriend: Why didnt you give me anything for my birthday?GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

16. Cat: "What did you get him for his birthday?" Dog: "Pant . . . pant!" Cat: "Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!"

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

17. Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldnt figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type Happy Birthday

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

18. Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely!Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mums too frightened hell break it!

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

19. Did you hear about the dancers birthday? It was a tappy one!

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

20. Did you hear about the flags birthday? It was a Happy one!

Added over 10 years ago in Birthday jokes  

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