1. One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling... "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!" - RATE / SHARE →

2. A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartenter " Give me twenty shots of your best singlemalt scotch quick!"] The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says " Wow. I never saw anybady drink that fast." The man says " well you would drink as fast as I do if you had what I have." The bartender says " Oh my god . what is it. what do you have?" The man looks at him and says " Fifty cents." - RATE / SHARE →

3. How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana. - RATE / SHARE →

4. Why are bananas never lonely? Because they hang around in bunches. - RATE / SHARE →

5. First apple: You look down in the dumps. Whats eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think. - RATE / SHARE →

6. What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm! - RATE / SHARE →

7. Why didnt the two worms go into Noahs ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs! - RATE / SHARE →

8. What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then! - RATE / SHARE →

9. Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called ship-ment but when you transport something by ship its called cargo? - RATE / SHARE →

10. Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"? - RATE / SHARE →

11. Do steam rollers really roll steam? - RATE / SHARE →

12. What does an aardvark keep in his aquarium? An aard-shark! - RATE / SHARE →

13. Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants? Ronald MacAardvark! - RATE / SHARE →

14. What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote? One has a long smeller, the other, a loud yeller! - RATE / SHARE →

15. What does the aardvark call his dog? Aard-bark! - RATE / SHARE →

16. What is uglier than an aardvark? Two aardvarks! - RATE / SHARE →

17. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta - RATE / SHARE →

18. whats a dogs favourite colour? Grrrreen - RATE / SHARE →

19. A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account." - RATE / SHARE →

20. This customer comes into the computer store. "Im looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging." "Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Windows 98?" - RATE / SHARE →